Hi everyone, im new to dance and ive decided to take the leap and start private one on one lessons after my partner who has done some group lessons suggested we should go to a caberet at our local ballroom. Watching everyone having such fun and seeing my partner spinning and joining in gave me the final nudge i needed. Initially i did it as a surprise so i might be able to give her a waltz or somethibg once in a while, but the more i get into it the more i find im enjoying many dances.

My daughters have since joined and im having fun learning with them as well as my partner.

But we have hit a hurdle and im trying to work out if my perspective is “wierd” or something or if its ok as a choice as long as i dont expect it to be adopted by my partner as well (which i dont and wont)

What ive found is that for myself (ive always been shy to the extreme and a genuine introvert) i find myself very unconfortable dancing with strangers or the casual “freinds” ive met through dance. Even dancing with my instructor in our one on one lessons has been difficult and uncomfortable for me. When we went to a recent function i had multiple women (all good dancers and many instructors who i think had chosen to ask to try and get my confidence up) asking me to join in and dance with them but didnt understand when i turned them down. I had a tremendous night even with only having a couple of basic dances with my partner and watching from the side lines for the rest of the evening. My partner on the other hand doesnt bave any problems (which is fine) dancing with anyone who asks and has a great time. The problem has arisen however because she cant understand what my “problem” is and we have had some terse words where im being made to feel that my choice is wrong.

So im looking around the internet and i see a lot of discussions including many here about how the dance isnt sexual (which ive always agreed with) but that it is intimate (also agree). What im looking for from this post is to see different reactions and ask if anyone has any advice? Is it wrong of me to chose for myself that oher than during lesons and with my family/partner that i wont dance with strangers and accept that it will be harder and longer to learn but stick within my personal boundaries? Or should i just grin and bear it and get out there and hope i find my discomfort ease?

I do want to repeat that in no way do i want to limit or restrict my partner in her choices.

Thoughts?

You aren't weird and not wanting to dance with anyone except your partner is very common. However, going to a dance party and not dancing with anyone except your partner is often considered 'unfriendly'. Also, although you might not mean to, you are putting your partner in an awkward position. Dancing has always been a social activity first and foremost. I would say yes, get out there and it will become easier. If it is too much for you and you turn women down, just be aware that some will not understand and you might come across as snobby or rude. Perhaps an explanation - "I'm sorry, I'm just not confident enough yet to dance with anyone other than my partner" - might help. No one likes to be turned down after awhile they will stop asking.

Ladydance is exactly right. There is also another angle. Many ladies, for one reason or another, don't have regular partners. So although they may have spent significant amounts of money on lessons--because they enjoy dancing--they may spend most of the time sitting and watching other people dance. The three minutes of enjoyment you could give them may mean more than you realize. And it's only as personal as you make it.